On December 31st, during our morning meeting, we were asked what our New Years Resolutions were for 2015. It came to my turn and I didn't have one, I couldn't even come up with a quick one because then I'd be obligated to stick to something I hadn't really thought through.
My last New Years Resolution was in 2013 when I vowed to put me first and make decisions not based on what was best for the masses (okay, basically my boyfriend at the time, friends and work) but what was best for me. That simple resolution allowed me to be bold enough to accept place in the 2013 Externship and accept an awkward and terrible breakup that summer as the catalyst for major positive change in my life. I decided in 2013 to do things for me and live boldly! My breakup happened during my course at the Parelli ranch, the easy thing would have been to go home to Montana when the class was over, pack up my stuff, and move in with my parents in Seattle. Instead I chose to stay in Pagosa. I went up to Seattle and collected my dogs from my parents (who had them for the duration of my course) and drove down to Montana to pack up my life. Leaving all that was secure behind I arrived in Pagosa to start a new adventure. My time in Pagosa thus far has been challenging, frustrating, scary and rewarding. I did everything I promised in the beginning of 2013 - doing things for me and living boldly, ultimately culminating in a MAJOR life change.
2014 rolled around and I had another personal life crisis occur right on New Years day, causing me to pack up from where I had just barely settled and relocate again. I was nearly bitter about my 2013 resolution - it had been good to me, yet it had also put me in this terrible spot I was at currently.
The year proved to have its ups and downs too, it was more just a year of settling into my new way of life. Trying to build new friendships, find an equally successful job, and continue toward my focus of becoming a Parelli Professional.
The discussion at the morning meeting caused me to think again about resolutions - what did I really want for myself this year? What was I brave enough to commit to after 2013? I asked a few other people outside of work who replied that resolutions were only for people that thought they were living a crappy life before and now just because it was January 1 they were going to magically change.
I disagree. A resolution is just a resolve, a resolve is a decision. What decision was I going to make for myself going forward?
The decision I've made to believe about myself is that I'm okay. My job is okay, my appearance is ok, my life is ok. I'm not a failure, I haven't been living a bad life, and I'm not disappointing anyone.
I'm okay.
Now with that in mind, I will treat myself like I am okay. My 2015 resolution is to treat myself better. Treat myself to healthy, organic, vegan food, treat myself to time at the gym, treat myself to as much horse time as I can get, treat myself to self respect and self love, treat myself so good that others see the value I have placed on my life and treat me the same way.
I also want to resolve to push the boundaries. I like my comfort zone, maybe more than most, and if I don't consciously resolve to live boldly and think outside the box (something Mark Weiler is amazing at!) then it is easy for me to slip away into a life of mundane ease.
I love myself enough to treat myself especially well.
Here is to my year of being okay, of pushing my limits, of doing more and taking the challenging road when it is presented to me.
A few very specific goals I have:
Finish Level 4 and activate my Parelli Professional status.
Go vegan! Start this by committing to a month of "raw till 4".
Build my financial strength and continue saving and investing.
Much love to you all for 2015!
